Treat #83
: Calming down into the balancing action
I was on vacation this past week and was unhooked from everything. I was honestly checking to see if I had an addiction to email and if I would miss it. I am happy to report that I forgot all about my email once I gave myself permission not to check it or my voice mail until I returned. I could relax knowing everything was being handled by my assistant and if there was an “emergency,” I could be reached. In my experience when I take that level of responsibility and make space for myself to unhook, I am given the time to relax without interruption. The same is true for my clients who set aside two full days to work with me and find that their usual hectic schedule calms down. It surprises them. I see it as a natural extension of their willingness to commit to themselves.
I had two experiences—one during the actual vacation and one the day after I returned to Ojai—that gave me a perspective about the power of staying present when apparent emergencies show up. I know in the past my inclination would be to get into the fear or drama of a situation when what is called for is my full presence in the moment so that I can effectively handle what is showing up.
One day as we were getting ready to go out on the lake for a boat ride, I watched my nephew fall 15 feet from a tree and knock the wind out of himself. There was a moment of reaction from his parents and from me as we ran to assist him. And then we all took a breath and did what we know to do, which is to breathe and come present into the moment. My nephew was interestingly enough the calmest of everyone. He told us afterward that he calmed down when we calmed down.
I went to a wedding in LA the day after I returned from Montana and stopped for gas on the way home. As I was about to drive away, I heard shouting in the parking lot next door and saw about ten teens in small groups hitting and punching each other. It almost didn’t look real. My first reaction was to call 911, but instead I stopped and realized it would probably be over before anyone could get there and that the best assistance I could provide was to stand there in my own peace and visualize them stopping. The fighting didn’t last long, and then they all dispersed and drove away in their cars.
Both of these experiences reminded me of how important it is in moments of stress to make our first step one of calming down and bringing ourselves fully present in the moment. Seeing from a calm perspective reveals the balancing action.
Once we figured out my nephew was okay, his mom went back to the house to get what was needed for his cuts, while his dad stayed with him. With the teens, I knew to stay calm as opposed to fueling the fighting with my concern, worry, and fear.
I know in both situations my next action choice of neutrality calmed me down as well. I am grateful when I remember to breathe instead of jumping in to urgency.
I am seeing clearly that a neutral action without all the emotion more easily brings things into balance.
Choosing our inner peace is the first step.
Martha Invitations
1. If you find yourself stressed about anything—finances, work, family—take a moment to breathe and bring yourself fully present in the moment.
2. Watch what happens when a feeling of “urgency” or some “emergency” shows at your office. See if you can move into an expanded view and stay available to the solutions that are not found in crisis mode.
3. If you find yourself hurrying to do something or to get somewhere, stop and start moving ever so slowly until you connect back up with yourself. Notice how you save minutes.
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